poetry

I want to open all of me to all of Thee
Take every part of me that is shrunk and disconnected
Take all my fears and my repeating worries
Reshape the parts of me that are hesitant and self-protecting

I know I need to feel expansive to touch to the Wholeness
Many days though my littleness is playing out
Other days my self doubt and the nasties are showing up
Then I swerve severely from thinking big and boldly

I am forming daily mantras for the shriveled up days I have
I am one with All That Is, I am known and loved
I am always connected with Divine Source
Spirit and I are one, are one, are one, are one

In Truth, I am always connected to Divine Love
I have to keep reminding my flighty mind of this
I must feel the desire to connect a dozen times a day
So reaffirming in little ways seems to see me through

My life, my work, my relationships, and my health
Are better when I feel connected to God and Oneness
I seem to be able to sail through all my responsibilities
And come out with more energy than I began with

There are even whole days my mind does not judge me
There are times when every part of my day moves with Grace and Ease
These are the glory days, the way I wish every day could unfold
These are the days that support me through the rough periods

Nothing human is ever a perfect constant
Change is always occurring with all things
I remember, I am the one with the dissonance
Divine Source is always patiently waiting for me

Another day, another try at connecting
This day will be the one with flow and delight
This day will be my best effort of all to connect
This day I will be the Peace and Joy I seek

And so it is!

I hurt, feel listless, and nothing helps
I take my medications and I get exercise
And still I hurt some of every day
I am discouraged, I must be getting older

My systems are sluggish and draggy
I feel strong, stuck, lurking emotions
They bubble up and I keep pushing them away
They feel buried, deeply hidden, but still agitating

My gut is a mess due to too much sugar
Too much rich food and drink
Too many simple carbs and sweets
Sugar treats everyday and twice on holidays

Food and drink help me celebrate and forget
Because inside I feel alone, disconnected, and empty
My feelings of being lost and unfocused loom,
Improve a bit, return, and eventually overwhelm

My body screams at me about being out of balance
Out of touch with All That Is and myself
I continue ignoring the small indications of trouble
While time passes and all issues grow larger

I just keep on keeping on, in ole’ familiar ways
Then pain strikes, days feel lackluster
Migraines take an upturn, wakeful nights begin repeating
Every part of my mind, body, and soul now on the edge

I have to stop and listen because medicines only work
For a short time when congestion remains inside
I know I should seek out the blocked and stuck places
And find a path forward that really works

However, I really prefer to not focus on this inner stuff
Even as my body continues to yell, scream, and cajole
Demanding the needed changes, aching daily
For balance, peace, health, and clearing

I’ve been told I get all the help I need by asking in devotion
By staying the course, by clearing, and trying to love
By commanding out fear, anger, shame, and apathy
By returning and returning to Silence for more guidance

It still seems easier to let all this fall on my deaf ears
To continue to feel invincible, pretend I’m good enough
Blowing off steam when I am angry and irritated
Totally denying I have settled for pain and suffering

I know how to play at being just fine
Know how to put on my no care in the world face
Only I truly know that act is a pack of lies
And, yes, my body continues to tell me the truth

I really, really do not want to do this work
It is so hard to look inside at what is not working
Or maybe that is just my mind playing tricks on me
Keeping me from giving my all to be my best self\

A voice emerged amidst the dreams:

You are a human being in training
You are a chip off the ‘ole block
You are eternal having a human experience
You are human created from Divine Source

You have total free will
You are blessed with infinite possibilities
You are loved beyond all understanding
You get eternal replays with every life

You get all the chances you need
To make good, loving, and balanced decisions
Even when you mess up repeatedly
Unconditional love is always yours

You remain unaware of your true value
You fear, you judge, you push, you doubt
Creating profound unworthiness
That does not belong to you

You belittle, chastise, think poorly of yourself
For all kinds of unhealed reasons that
Put you out of sorts, again and again
And keep you from feeling joyful

You have a creative and powerful mind
You have consciousness and free reign
Yet the unhealed detritus of your life looms
Ever waiting for you to name, face, and heal

Love is what you must cultivate
Continuous love of self and all others
Love of every challenge that helps you grow
Love of all mistakes you make along the way

You come into life to learn more about
The love and wholeness that is truly you
You come to retrain your mind for compassion
You have endless repeating lives to make amends

You are continuously invited to get with your inner self
You feel there is not enough time to look within
You succumb to the seduction of your life
You are lured into distractions, away from needed inner work

One day there will be something you can not ignore
You will be off and running on the road to Oneness
Passionately seeking as never before
Full heartedly focused on your journey to wholeness

The choice is yours, ad infinitum
You can return as many times as you want
To a life where your unhealed energies still await
One day, you will pick one up and take it to completion

And then deep sleep was restored.

The capacity to love starts within
With forgiveness of everyone and everything
With the forgiveness of self
With gentleness and kindness to self

With compassion for all your perceived faults
For all the lost opportunities
For all the messed up efforts
For all the wished for differences in the past

Love* begins with seeking the Oneness
Without any understanding of It at all
It is the seeking that grows the Love
Then comes the realization, you are just perfect

You are exactly where you need to be
There is no possible way to get off the path
On your way to loving self and others
Every mess up is learning for the heart and head

Pain and all negativity is not punishment
It is a deep call to seek the Wholeness within
It is a profound call to your I AM self
The part that is always One with All That Is

The capacity to love is infinite
In all ways through all trials
It is ever present beckoning your true self
To make the choice for Love

In every situation
In all relationships
In every thought and act
In every effort of your entire life

And so it is!

* Love is capitalized when it is a noun because I am speaking of Divine Love, that beyond the physical self.

To begin to forgive and set down unhelpful thoughts and patterns restricting love (or any other imbalance), sign-up for the short voice guided Healing Yourself tutorial or use the Six-Step Spiritual Healing Protocol for ways to clear old blocked energies affecting you ability to fully love.

I am so totally unsettled again today
I can’t seem to find my way to balance
It was fleetingly here yesterday
It escapes me over the smallest of issues

The things that show up along the way
Push my buttons and create those inner rumbles
I am angry and loud, thrashing and impatient
I despair of ever walking with ease and grace again

How did I get here?
What missteps did I take?
Where do I go to find a break?
Is anyone out there who can help?

I wonder if I would even realize
If the road most needed appeared
In this morass of stress and pushing
I would probably just drive on by

No one really knows how bad it is
I keep this all under wraps
Except when I blow for no reason
Then I at least know, the jig is up

But interestingly, it all blows over
No one demands my resignation
No one confronts me on my arrogance
Am I the only one who registers the turmoil ?

My pattern of coping is crippled at best
I go to drinks, I go to smokes,
I go to food, I go to extravagance
They all leave me utterly empty

I really need to sit and be with all of this
I am always running away from looking within
I am profoundly afraid of what I will find
I may find I am unworthy of peace

What awaits me then?
I am touching bottom here
I am in fear of who I have become
I fear I have forever lost my way

I command in the help I need
I know it not within my daily world
I command in the love I have heard about
I need that love and I need it now

Who knows me as deeply as you do?
Inner peace is my lens on this life
Balance and rebalance are my goals
This choice can be so lonely at times

When I am truly alone, though,
I feel total, whole, and at peace
No one takes that away from me
Wholeness is impregnable, safe

I have a secret place within
When there, I never feel alone
I know I AM One with All That Is
I am seen and have always been loved

I am inured to harshness around me
No one can infringe or tread on me now
I am impervious to careless slights
Inner peace is my ultimate safe place

How do I truly know this?
Nothing around me has changed
All the same ones are still here
All the same games are in play

I am the one with the inner secret
I know Peace as others miss it again
I am the one singing of Compassion
Having touched to Wholeness, Beauty and Grace

It is not that I am somehow gifted or special
I am a devoted traveler along the way
I embrace each day clearing away the detritus
Knowing no end to the waste and darkness within me

Someone told me to keep on, keeping on
To never swerve from the path of clearing
To hold fast to the signs being given
Clearings are the direct path to Oneness

I persist and insist on being clean inside
To stay the path by facing my darkness myself
To demand of myself the time to keep listening
The inner strength to root out all offal and waste

I’d like to share space with all seeking
But you don’t fit in my inner place
The doorway opens only to me
And you would feel strangely out of place

You have your own paths and doorways to discover
They reside just past the business of your own mind
Your doorways within are always open to you
But each has to cultivate your own space within

Our journeys are vastly different
Though the methods can be much the same
We each have our distinct pasts to heal
Therefore, the journeys must be our own

So here’s to finding your own magical space
One that feels as soft as worn flannel pjs
Space that is delicious and welcoming you
Space where you know you are always safe and free

May your journey be swift to find
The place inside where Peace resides
Keep casting out the vast darkness
So only Love and Peace remain

This is the only way to know
The Great Oneness of All That Is
We clear away all the darkness
Then only the Light can shine through

When we’ve been here ten thousand years
We finally know we are whole
We then fully love and give back
Never to leave our home again

I am utterly lost, I feel alone
Suffering has come to stay
There is no energy for life today
Perhaps never to return

Is there lasting relief, somewhere?
Nothing holds a bright spark for me
Why does the Lightness come and go?
This darkness envelops me so

Something is so deeply amiss
I am warring within my self
My heart wants to soar and soar
My mind says, no way, no way

Fear keeps chanting
You are of no use, no use
My mind keeps repeating
Who do you think you are, you are?

Why does this harshness slay me?
I slip into my littleness
I forget who I have truly been
I believe the critic, yet again

Is there any hope left for me?
Do I deserve to be happy?
Can I pierce this raw energy?
Drawn knots keep me so deeply bound

Abject fear has a grip on me
Writhing and grabbing my insides
Shaking me up from head to toe
What is it I need to let go?

Ah, the belief that I am of no count
Worthless, washed up, and bottomed out
The thought that I have nothing to offer
That I am needy, small, and such a bother

Who is this harsh and bold critic?
She resides here permanently
Ever lurking in the background
Constantly preparing to pounce

I command total rejection of her spells
Never again to believe the taunts and lies
I command her to leave me in peace
I command in all the help I need

I cast her away from me
I see her crumble and flee
She is never to return in any way
She is totally banished again today

Beloved, who among us is not without fault?
It is through fault that we have the opportunity for compassion
It is through fault that we can forgive
It is through fault that we can cultivate humility

Fault is an invitation to awareness
When we are in the wrong, it indicates that we are paying attention
That we are being given the opportunity for a different outcome
That we can choose to make the fault right

Of course, we have to begin with the desire to be at peace
That is an inner choice only we can make
We have complete control over what we want to project
Even if we do not project exactly as we might intend

We are given all the chances we need
To be the person we want to be
We have lifetimes to hone our behavior
To practice apologizing and setting relationships right

What keeps us from truly setting things right with others?
Pride, haughtiness, arrogance, shame, and guilt
All play to our smallest selves, keep us tied up inside
Unable to extend peace, defending our image of perfection

When we hang onto being right, we die a bit inside
We clog the avenues of love and kindness
We disconnect from our own true selves
Loving, caring, humble, gracious, open beings

Our souls place us where we can learn to make a loving choice
Grief, embarrassment, regret, and twisted insides may be present
But we are in charge of who we choose to be
How we choose to react and how we project

We will continue to be given the chance for peace
The chance to make different, loving, repairing choices
The chance to swallow pride and banish righteousness
The chance to be the person, we truly are

Will you take that chance today?
To repair a strained relationship?
To heal the darkness separating you from another?
To risk being rejected, even while you are making the loving choice?

Herein lies the way to inner peace
Herein lies the way to healing and respect
Herein lies the way to health and joy
Make a loving choice when fault comes knocking at your door.

It seemed like a smallish sort of lie
I did not mean for it to come out as it did
I spun a yarn while playing with fire
I spoke it aloud and now it resides between us

I feel a persistent heaviness in my heart
There is a tightness when I breath
This could grow, fester, and becoming putrid
And still I hesitate to set things to rest

My pride is raising its ugly head today
I despair at having to put this right
I am hoping this will all go far away
But it might hang on and be discovered

In truth, I really told a bold-faced lie
I think of it as small so I don’t feel so low
But I lied to her pure and simple
Because it suited me to do so

I protect a well defended outside shell
Thinking that makes me safe
Then I go and tell these little lies
And I know things aren’t any good at all

I don’t want to do what I know I should
I need to tell her I lied and why
But I am ashamed and feel too crummy
To really come clean and show my face

What would my friends think?
Who could possibly understand?
I don’t even know why I made up that lie
And then acted as if it were true

Maybe tomorrow this will all feel better
Maybe tomorrow we will forget this happened
Maybe I will think of some way to save face
Maybe I will find a way to bury the past

Perhaps she could forgive me
Or perhaps I could forgive me too
Perhaps I can make amends
Or perhaps we could move past this

Where is my good place?
Why can’t I let this all go?
Why can’t I just forget this ever happened?
Who is ever really going to know?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Integrity Clearing

If this rings any bells for you, you can do effective clearing for any lapse in integrity you hold at present or from the past. When you are out of integrity with yourself and others, not only can you suffer emotionally but you become disconnected on your end from the Whole, from Divine Source. Further, you may be totally unaware of places where you are carrying blocked energy that is affecting you in countless ways. You can carry old unconscious blocked energy about lying, stealing, blaming, or resenting, for example, and it can be causing you anxiety, insomnia, rage, or poor health in general as well as many other conditions. You may not be hearing clear guidance, or making poor decisions, or carrying guilt, rage, or depression, as well. Clearing up issues of integrity is worth focusing on.

Here are some of the areas where you may be carrying unhealed energy that is affecting your integrity. The following trauma energies may be causing untold imbalances in you mind, body or soul.

Trauma energies affecting one’s integrity:

Lying, Cheating, Stealing, Misrepresenting, Bullying, Blaming, Resenting, Stalking, Selling body services/mis-using my body, Buying body services/ Mis-using another’s body, Hurting another, Un-forgiveness, Hating, Punishing, Using excessive force, Abusing (others or substances), add any others you may be want to address.

Examples for Step 3 are given in bold below. For those beginning to work with the Six-Step Spiritual Healing Protocol use all six step in the link indicated. This version shared below is for for more advanced practitioners who have experience with using all the steps of the protocol for many months.

I call for Divine Healing Protocol for consciously punishing my brother trauma energy and all symptoms.

I call for Divine Healing Protocol for cheating and lying with my first wife ( partner, husband, etc.) trauma energy and all symptoms.

I call for Divine Healing Protocol for resenting the interference of my mother-in-law trauma energy and all symptoms when we had small children.

I call for Divine Healing Protocol for holding of un-forgiveness with my son trauma energy and all symptoms.

Keep working on areas where there may be blocked energies affecting your integrity. When you are cleared of these types of blocked energy, they will no longer show up in your life for healing.

Woe engulfs my weary, broken heart
I hold a profoundly sickening sadness
I hear the calls of the forlorn, the mentally ill,
The outraged, the sick, and the hungry

My heart constricts in awe and shock
At the forcible separation of loved ones
At centuries old, repeating attacks from those who hate
At egregious sorrow over aggression, violence, and death

I literally feel ill at the repeating horror of rape
The numbing continuance of sexual abuse
The hiding of the darkness by all means
The lengths taken to save face for the perpetrators

Where is the presence of Love here?
Who is allowing this darkness agency?
Who is condoning the aggressors and the rapists?
When are we going to stand up and stop this madness?

Here I am, Lord, Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go, Lord, if you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart*

God of all, hear my prayers
Respond with power and mightiness
Cleanse all souls living in virulent hatred
Cleanse all genetic patterns of horrific atrocities
Teach us Love of self and “other” that we may heal

We are the ones to carry the Light
We are the ones to speak up
We are the ones to vote for the greater whole
We can be the best ones we were sent here to be

*This verse is from Here I am Lord by Daniel Schutte, 1981.