I am so totally unsettled again today
I can’t seem to find my way to balance
It was fleetingly here yesterday
It escapes me over the smallest of issues
The things that show up along the way
Push my buttons and create those inner rumbles
I am angry and loud, thrashing and impatient
I despair of ever walking with ease and grace again
How did I get here?
What missteps did I take?
Where do I go to find a break?
Is anyone out there who can help?
I wonder if I would even realize
If the road most needed appeared
In this morass of stress and pushing
I would probably just drive on by
No one really knows how bad it is
I keep this all under wraps
Except when I blow for no reason
Then I at least know, the jig is up
But interestingly, it all blows over
No one demands my resignation
No one confronts me on my arrogance
Am I the only one who registers the turmoil ?
My pattern of coping is crippled at best
I go to drinks, I go to smokes,
I go to food, I go to extravagance
They all leave me utterly empty
I really need to sit and be with all of this
I am always running away from looking within
I am profoundly afraid of what I will find
I may find I am unworthy of peace
What awaits me then?
I am touching bottom here
I am in fear of who I have become
I fear I have forever lost my way
I command in the help I need
I know it not within my daily world
I command in the love I have heard about
I need that love and I need it now