pain

Sep 09 2020

Coming Out of Shame

What is shame but the result
Of taught expectations and rules
Delivered by a hurting person
Disconnected from Divine Source?

I was taught embarrassment for who I am
I was expected to hide my mistakes
I received ruthless judgment of me as lacking
I learned to blame and question my own worth

Persistent messages revealed my constant failure
Ingrained feelings grew into mistrust and self-hate
Endless messages of indignity and mortification
What if I am truly to blame for the faults I have?

How do all those early lessons in shame
Get reframed with love and acceptance?
Where is enough love to heal this pain?
How does trust in self-goodness even blossom?

Still though, how do I measure up to something so firm
So unbending, and starkly delivered?
Maybe I am not here to love myself fully
I have learned how to self-protect my every choice

I also learned to aim for perfection in all things
Though I always expect swift scorn and failure
Ruthless judging has been ever present
I even use ridicule and anger towards myself now

In the quiet though, my spirit still yearns to soar
I long to feel unencumbered and free
My heart seeks true love and kindness
I know my being needs to be safe, somewhere

Who will walk with me on this journey?
Who will reinforce my search for self-love?
Who will be my go to when I do fail?
Who will hold my heart as I try again?

There is talk of a place of wholeness, within
I have heard that phrase, though I do not know it
I intend to find my way out of this shame
And I will never create this darkness for another

Jul 27 2020

GOD of All, Hear Us In Our Hour of Need

We lay our profound suffering before You
Calling for an end to vast sadness and grief
Commanding the inclusion of all peoples in Grace
Hear us now, as endless darkness deepens

We are lost in fear and doubt,
Angst and sorrow so profound,
Getting out of bed is humbling
Getting to sleep, impossible

My heart shrinks and shrivels up with
Thousands feeling loss, destitution, and brokenness
Pervading fear grips the strongest among us
Endless trials repeat, each darker than before

Thousands crossing the Brooklyn Bridge
Hundreds gassed at peaceful protests
Nameless, faceless paramilitary units
Threatening, confronting, with anger, then arrest

God of All, the old hatreds must go and soon
We cannot sustain this level of bedeviling disarray
We can’t return to the horrors of the past
The horrors of the present must end, and swiftly

Thousands unable to pay the rent, find a job, bury their dead
Thousands of businesses gasping for one more breath
Daily number explosions of more sick, dying and dead
Dreams, hopes, nest eggs, disappearing, perhaps forever

Guide us to peace, safety, and forgiveness
Bring us to the expanding path of Wholeness
Help us ensure that together, we all rise on the tide
Ever staring down darkness, by choosing Love

I choose to be kinder and clear out my anger and fear
I call in more compassion, banish all remnants of ego
Guide me to walk humbly with my God on the toughest days
Cleanse me of doubt and bring me home when my work here is finished

Jun 10 2020

The Heart of the Nation

The heart of the nation is raw
With fear and violence
Burning anger and rage
Beatings, smashing, and killings

And still we do not see
That we are part of the cause
We are the blinded ones
We are hiding from the darkness

We live in safe communities
And hope the discomfort
Quickly passes us by
With little disruption to our lives

Let others do the marching
Let others deal with the fall out
Surely this will “return to normal”
Sooner than later, as swiftly as possible

But the images are so bloody
What if we were one of those
Being singled out for our skin color
Being chased and killed through hatred

We want protections from this happening
We want everyone to make this go away
We want the cops to stop being racist
We want those killings to cease and desist

But it is not only the killings
It is living in abject fear of being singled out
Living with constant need to keep one’s head down
Every single day in public and never feeling safe

This causes entrenched resentment
Deep anger, righteous indignation
Mistrust and more segregated communities
Mistreatment for all while everyone lives in fear

When one among us is at risk
We are all at risk because we tolerate
Those among us who are at risk
And go about our lives as if we are separate

Nothing works when this is the response
No one learns to change, when isolated
No one practices compassion unless
Closeness is personal and meaningful

Beware, our feeling bad does not change a thing
The compassion felt from TV news touches no one
The shaking of one’s head and returning to normal
Leaves those at risk, still at risk

All have to stand for justice
For freedom, for goodness for all
For opportunities for all
For good systems available to all

This has to be the way forward
To stem the flood of sorrow and grief
Beyond simply patching up the brokenhearted
All have to banish racism in all forms

Then all become truly safe and whole
No other way works for all people
And so it is, for now and for always
With determined hearts, so it can be.

Feb 27 2020

Death Calls Us Home

Death of another is a loss of what is
It is the loss of what has been
And the finality of what could have been
The loss of more time together

Death pricks the fear that you will not
Make it through the sorrow
You will not find your way out
You will always be in grief

Loss of another is a call to go within
To consciously touch to that which is solid
That which never changes and is constant
The connection with the Greater Whole

You are still safe and loved
Even when death is present
You still have the knowing of the Love
That has been and always will be

Why does the dread about death persist?
The seeming finality is scary
Your loved one is not in the flesh
Your loved one moves to a place within

Perhaps you have not explored within
Perhaps you do not feel at ease there
Perhaps the deep grief feels paralyzing
Perhaps moving ahead seems overwhelming

However within is a place of Love
Within awaits your presence
Healing and Love both reside within
Restoration and Grace reside within

Going within provides all the time
You desire to say the things you did not say
To set things right from your side
To determine that which needs saying

Death is often a doorway to inner peace
It beckons us to quiet reflection
It strengthens us for reentering life
Without our loved one in the flesh

Every action and feeling you have
Is known by the Everlasting Love
You cannot be forgotten ever
You will find your way home

Receive the blessings of the Eternal Energy
Beckoning you to your own true self
Reminding you are whole and will feel whole again
Restating that all is well and that you are truly loved

If you are beset with sorrow, this can leave you. Open a Sacred Healing Space with Divine Source energy you want in that space. Call for help (I call forth help) from Divine Source for any depression, sorrow, loss or grief energy you are carrying to be transformed. Call for your lightness of heart and mind to be restored. Call in the healing energy and balance that you desire. Call for the help you need to take up your life again. You can do this for yourself and for others. You are always heard.

Nov 07 2019

Arrive and Know IT Again for the First Time

beyond the stuffed spurious schedules
past all devastating trauma and unrelenting tension
there lies a space of openness and grace
awaiting your arrival in perfect timing

there is always an opening there for you
space to be, to listen, to hope, to dream
divine connection awaits your seeking
divine wisdom knows your name

you are accounted for with every breath of your being
every hair on your head is known to the Oneness
this begins at first birth and continues eternally
as you make your way through all life’s roadblocks

proactive effort can speed this along
setting down fears, doubts, and negative expectations
calling out the anger, blame, and self-flagellation,
clears up ancient imbalances, suffering, and pain

but simply showing up in a space where nothing is needed from you
begins to reignite the Sacred connection that has always been
even if you are depressed, feeling failure or in deep pain
there is respite in creating an opening for reaching beyond self

goodness, balance, abundance, and hope
await you through your inner journey to loving self
humor, joy, delight, and satisfaction
accompany the journey into inner peace

that is, after all the wailing and self blame
after all the soul crushing fear that you may not be enough
after all the amends have been faced and attended to
after all the woe, loss, and protection of self have softened

somehow though rather miraculously
just opening to Silence while seeking help
begins the journey to Wholeness
that awaits every single one of you

through every form you ever take
through every time you close yourself off
through every profound loss you have
through every soul devastating event you experience

the Oneness is always waiting and open to you
the still small voice of love and encouragement
never fades no matter how long we take
to arrive and know It again for the first time*

* From TS Eliot, The Four Quartets

“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time. “

pain

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