Banished Again Today

I am utterly lost, I feel alone
Suffering has come to stay
There is no energy for life today
Perhaps never to return

Is there lasting relief, somewhere?
Nothing holds a bright spark for me
Why does the Lightness come and go?
This darkness envelops me so

Something is so deeply amiss
I am warring within my self
My heart wants to soar and soar
My mind says, no way, no way

Fear keeps chanting
You are of no use, no use
My mind keeps repeating
Who do you think you are, you are?

Why does this harshness slay me?
I slip into my littleness
I forget who I have truly been
I believe the critic, yet again

Is there any hope left for me?
Do I deserve to be happy?
Can I pierce this raw energy?
Drawn knots keep me so deeply bound

Abject fear has a grip on me
Writhing and grabbing my insides
Shaking me up from head to toe
What is it I need to let go?

Ah, the belief that I am of no count
Worthless, washed up, and bottomed out
The thought that I have nothing to offer
That I am needy, small, and such a bother

Who is this harsh and bold critic?
She resides here permanently
Ever lurking in the background
Constantly preparing to pounce

I command total rejection of her spells
Never again to believe the taunts and lies
I command her to leave me in peace
I command in all the help I need

I cast her away from me
I see her crumble and flee
She is never to return in any way
She is totally banished again today