peace

Feb 03 2021

Hope and Rigor

When I sit alone, having been alone now for many months
I realize Peace is my companion
That was not the case for much of this lifetime
I was fastly tethered to my emotions and commitments

Thousands of hours of seeking and meditating later
I know that hope and rigor have been my true companions
When deeply sad, angry, frustrated or out of sorts
I learned in Silence to search out hope

Hope was a little spark among the heaviness
It grew out of making my mind go to gratitude
It grew out of the determination to clear the darkness
Again and again, I learned that facing the dark feelings worked

I tried for years to ignore all problems, fastidiously
I could make myself really believe I was not angry or sad
Especially when I was most indeed angry or sad
Or when I thought that ignoring my feelings could work

Usually I exploded with some unkind response to my family
Before I began to realize that I thought I was being good
By ignoring the heavy emotions that accompanied my life
But I was really just letting them fester until they burst forth

Ugh! So much nastiness got sprayed on those around me
Before I realized I could take the hard stuff into Silence
That I could bring my feelings to that eternal table
That I would actually be heard and my feelings could transform

First I had to wrestle with having the right to ask for help
Then I had to work on being worthy of being heard and responded to
Then I had to learn to trust that the healing coming in would be enough
Then I learned to be grateful for something I never ever thought could happen

Nov 04 2020

The Ocean and The Silence

Walking by the ocean fills me up
I feel the lightness as the breeze arrives
I touch to the expanse and my worries dissipate
This is my happy place calling me to myself

I love the sound of the endless waves
I like their reassurance of permanence
I love the blueness and the softness of the sand
I know I am called inward as I walk the strand

I have lived near the ocean all my life
I can’t even imagine living far inland
I need the big water near me even
If I don’t get there as often as I would like

Knowing I can be there in a couple of hours
Is something like knowing I can always enter Silence
And a palpable calmness can be touched to
Silence and the ocean are similar in many ways

They are both filled with the unknown
They are both waiting for me always
One in a soothing form I can touch
One in soothing formlessness that touches me

I am so amazed when I enter into Silence
And a vibration around my heart begins to pulse
It is like nothing on Earth really
It is coming from beyond me, welcoming

The beckoning of kindness
The reassurance of safety
The joining of me wherever my mind is
The total sense of reliability

Both Silence and the ocean have these gifts
They settle me and remind me I am loved
They bring me right into the present moment
Inviting me to let both the past and future go

I am never so connected as when the ocean and I are one
I never feel so loved as when Silence and I have a rendezvous
I return to all life’s challenges with a quiet demeanor
One that carries both the ocean and the Silence within

Sep 17 2020

GRACE?

I wonder what I really know about Grace?
It seems to elude me mostly
I like the vibration of the word
Yet I know so little about it

The flowery religious words
Do not speak to me at all
They basically obscure the clarity I seek
They seem entrenched in the past

Grace feels like active energy
It feels expansive and important
It feels a bit like I would like to be seen
It holds a knowing I would love to embody

Perhaps it is found in kind acts
Or in lovely blooming flowers
It feels like it might be in the
Sounds of music at times

I think it is something I am growing into
Yet I do not know the path forward
Maybe to live in Grace means to try
To be gentle and quiet sometimes

Or it could mean to be thoughtful
Deeply attentive or grateful
Grace might live in the mountains
They always take my breath away

Grace seems to call me within
I know in being there, something shifts
Grace shows up when I walk along a beach
With the sand, the water and the beauty

Perhaps Grace is a call to wholeness
Always playing in the back ground
Always just elusive enough to be interesting
Just beyond one’s ability to capture it

I think of Grace as a special type of freedom
One I can grow or not, as it is up to me
Perhaps if I begin with my desire to know it
It will reveal itself, again and again

Jul 30 2020

A Very Special Day

When I enter the dark woods
I feel a welcoming dampness and camaraderie
We share a cognizance of knowing
There is peace energy here and cooperation

There is stillness along with chirps and chatter
The foot prints of the deer and raccoons speak
The stream runs continuously to the west
The wind makes itself known, gently

I am invited to breath deeply of moss and bark
To make myself known to the greater whole
To leave my worries and tasks behind
To be, to smell, to feel, and to give thanks

Just ahead, the may apples are beginning to peak out
Unknown names of wild flowers dot the forest floor
I delight in their profound colors so shortly present
Yes so brilliantly displayed for me to rejoice with them

This isolated community reminds me of connection
I touch to compatible energy existing and flowing
I feel inner tightness falling into the ground
All tension and stress being cleansed by the trees

My body can walk and be and feel and release
My mind seems to float away from focus
Joy bubbles up and a favorite tune starts in my head
I hope nobody find me here, hope no talking is required

One day maybe I can both talk and be present
Though I talk so much that I sometimes forget
The silence within me, that gets too little attention
I feel whole here like all my parts are present

Who knows me in this place, so centered and solid
I hardly ever show this me to outsiders
They know my credentials and my outer history
They know about me but know not of me, the real me

So these woods are my go to place, in person
In my imagination, in my dreams, in my writing
Today I am letting you into this special place
Treat it with love and gratitude for that will be returned

Maybe one day we can be here together
On the same wave length and vibration
Just to be and know, feel and be together
That would be a very special day indeed.

Mar 18 2020

Fear Taints Everything

Fear is an all-encompassing emotion
It has a very long shelf life, left unattended
It gets denser and more at home over time
It profoundly affects your sense of what is

To dig out fear, you have to suspect it may be present
You have to name it as best you can
Including all the symptoms known and unknown
While commanding it out of your own energy field

Banish it from all four fields of consciousness
Every smidgen of fear that is not conscious
Still has a huge and lasting impact on you
Fear resides at the subconscious and soul level

Fear can hang out in your unconscious field
Fear can be consciously with your all the time
That makes a whole whopping lot of fear
You need to be sure all of it leaves your being

This is a lifelong task that only you can undertake
It insures you are not run by unnamed fears
That you can stop lashing out with unbridled anger
That you can disengage from all forms of hatred

Asking for forgiveness only goes so far
If you keep repeating the fear-based responses
Blowing up and regularly going totally ballistic
Others distance and protect themselves from you

Asking for forgiveness for the umpteenth time
Is also too little too late, especially with loved ones
Your responsibility is to seek the source of your fear
Then do your utmost to clear the fear from your field

Get to it because any effort works better than
Living and being run by unnamed fears
All efforts lead towards reaching the core
Source of the fear and anger, to free you forever

Facing fear takes guts and repeated efforts
It requires you to take off your public mask
Get into your heart and name the fear
Even while you may be afraid it will devour you

Sticking your fearful head in the sand
Does not EVER work, though you do get
All the chances you need to keep avoiding
The fears, while amassing all the consequences

You can wait until the consequences are severe
So that you have to make amends with everyone
Or step up now before the abysmal consequences
Of being run by fears create profound suffering

peace

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