Robbins Hopkins

Spiritual Health: Being at Peace in Everyday Life

General

Asking Forgiveness

If we are already forgiven for what we have done, as it says in the Bible, why do we need to ask for forgiveness ourselves?

In Psalm 103, we read, “Praise the Lord with affection and do not forget God’s blessings and benefits, for God forgives all your iniquities and heals all your diseases.  In summary, therefore, this does say, all is forgiven.

for future generations... by Amanky

Asking for forgiveness, however,  is as much about our receiving forgiveness and knowing we have been forgiven as it is about the asking.  If we don’t ask for the forgiveness we need, we keep carrying around the imbalanced energy of what we have done which has caused that imbalance.  When we receive forgiveness, we reestablish the whole,  we open ourselves to healing and to the blessings of Divine Grace.  That opens up many other options of healing for us as well.  The forgiveness is always in the unformed energy around us.  If we ask for forgiveness, we give it form by making the request, and the vibration actually comes into our energy field bringing a new balance and equilibrium where we have been out of balance.  The Iranian mystic Rumi says, ” if you never know forgiveness, you’ll never know the blessings God gives”.

Forgiveness is a prerequisite to authentic prayer. If we are harboring negative thoughts or feelings in our hearts, they literally short-circuit and neutralize our prayers.  When forgiveness is received, what has been previously blocked or sealed off from love is thereby opened to receive God’s Love.  That’s how it happens.  When we are too filled up with un-forgiveness, there is no room, no space, no place of peace where we can receive the Love of God.  It’s like having a house too full of clutter to be able to offer a guest a place to sit and rest.

You might  feel you have been asking for Divine Healing Presence but that you do not feel it. Why might that be? It is most likely something in the connection and it is probably on our side.   One of the most prevalent reasons for a poor connection with Spirit is blockage because  we need to forgive someone or we need forgiveness ourselves.  Another block may be that we are not consciously seeking a relationship with Divine Energy/God/All That Is.

When we need  forgiveness, we are energetically out of balance.  Therefore, we can’t receive that which we most need, even when it is all around us.  We have to make space for the Energy of God if we want it.  There is almost no way to make space for the Divine Presence without making a conscious effort to do so.  Most of us aren’t likely to run into this energy on our way to work though that is not impossible.

We can live our entire lives without making a conscious effort to connect with our Higher Power.  Why would one want to go to God if we are not sure how we will be received? If we have been raised to believe that we need to be good in order to be loved, we may have a sense of unworthiness before God.  We might not want to acknowledge our  mistakes and the poor choices we have made.  We might not feel worthy of God’s love for ourselves.  It is all too easy to  think of our Higher Power as judging energy.

However, there is little to no “truth vibration” in this judging concept of Divine Presence. We see a judging God as probable because all around us, those in power often act in judging ways.   We might have been told as a child that God is watching so we had better behave.   Isn’t it just accepted that God is like a person, an entity, a being, and usually is separated from us?  Our language reinforces this and we know lots of folks who think this way.

Divine Presence, however,  is boundless energy in all its unformed perfection.  Further that same spark of Divinity is inside every single person in body regardless of how covered over it might be. This has been proven again and again to me through the medium of healing.  I call for healing energy with another, the energy comes,  is received and healing happens.  It does not matter at all who the person is.  This healing energy is available for all.   Based on this experience,  I have developed some ways of asking for help,  which work for me.

How do we ask for forgiveness or for the healing presence of God?

We ask for help

  • knowing that we will always be heard,
  • that God is always for us and never against us,
  • that what is needed is given, and
  • that there is nothing we can do which can make us unworthy of the Love of God.
    I cry out to you by Rachel Sian

From John 3, “Beloved, I desire above all else that you may prosper and be in health even as  your soul prospers.” God’s love for us is the constant here.  We essentially cannot earn it because it is freely given, fully given and available all the time.  There is nothing we can do that will set the love of God beyond our reach.  We are loved because we are.  Simply that.  We are, therefore, we are loved.

We are children of the Great I Am/All That Is/God , created in this image, a tiny spark of the Divine.  We can’t do anything that will forever separate us from the Love of God. However, we can be distanced from the Love of God by simply not being tuned into that Love or by not  embracing the fact that there is real, practical help from the Divine for every aspect of our lives.  We can choose to have any kind of relationship with Divine Wholeness we want.  It can be close, trusting and mutually appreciative.  We can have a theoretical relationship with All that Is, one we hold in abeyance in case we might need it someday when things are really bad.  We can also live our lives as if the Love of Divine Oneness is something we heard about in temple, the synagogue or the church.  We just never quite get around to really knowing that love for ourselves or asking for that love to come into our lives in ways we can know its fullness.

What type of relationship do you want with God? All the help you need is fully available to you,  if you ask, if you embrace it, if you listen for it in the Silence of your day.  Sometimes the help shows up without a conscious seeking of it in a particular situation.  Who knows why that is?  I like to think perhaps it is because our deepest desires and needs are always known even when we ourselves are closed to them.  However, I increasingly know when I need help.  If I go after that help,  I feel in the act of asking, I am preparing to receive it when the timing is right.

Put your trust in what which is really worthy of your trust. Put your trust in The Great I AM, your Higher Power.  I spent many years putting my trust in “being somebody”, in “having prestige”, in “being respected”  and in “being really good at what I did” and probably in  a myriad of other conditions, as well.  Many of us have likely spent years putting our trust in others or in our outer, public selves.   Take a step towards getting yourself a new partner for life, one that is always available, immensely powerful and loves you unconditionally.  Get into Right Relationship with God.  Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened.  A vibrant fully actualized relationship with Divine Spirit results in wholeness, peace, health and balance.

  • Start with asking forgiveness for everything you ever needed to ask forgiveness for.
  • Offer forgiveness to all those you need to forgive.
    Atardecer (Madrid) by laullon
  • Find the fountain of gratitude within and visit it daily.
  • Speak with the Great Knowing even though you may feel unprepared, awkward or unworthy.  (Those are all human judgments that will pass with time. )

The risk of stepping out with Divine Oneness is that the experience will be more loving, more insightful and more powerfully present than you can possibly imagine.

Loving of Self

“Loving myself seems indulgent.  What is all this stuff about loving oneself?  I get the best feelings when I help others meet their needs regardless of myself.  When I focus on myself,  I feel selfish.”

A spiritual definition of loving oneself might be a place to begin.  Indulging oneself is yielding to our wants, desires and whims whether or not they are good for us.  Loving oneself is making space for those things which feed our soul, our heart and our bodies.

Indulging oneself might be buying another tee-shirt in a color we don’t have or drinking the third beer when two is really enough for the particular evening.  Taking a walk outside to be in fresh air and allow all our cares to float away with the wind, is loving of self.   Calling a good friend to reconnect because we have been meaning to do it could also be loving of self.  The first examples are little treats we might want which we give ourselves permission to do.  They can be fun and though they are not really needed, we might say, “go ahead, you deserve them”.  The second set of choices are  gifts to ourselves of something we really need and benefit from, in order to feel love’s flowing energy in our lives.  They are both fine approaches to living, the latter though can bring balance and flowing energy to our sense of self and our bodies.

Hiking Swiss Alps near Grindelward by Joffe Striker
Hiking by Jofre Ferrer Swiss Alps near Grindewald

Why is loving ourselves so hard to do?

Perhaps because we have not ever seen this behavior modeled.  Perhaps because when we do things for others, we get recognition and appreciation from another which strokes our ego temporarily.  Perhaps it is hard to love ourselves because  we don’t recognize our real needs or even know what is a loving act for ourselves.

Loads of us put a very high value on what gets external recognition, reward or influence with others.  Others make daily choices that will “get them ahead”, “get them in good with so and so”, or “pay off in the long run”.  For example, Washington D.C. is one place I have lived where folks actually get together at breakfast meetings for the long run. When I first moved there, I was astounded to discover this repeatedly. When we continue to fill our days with such choices, our time gets filled up with things we think will bring us concrete rewards in the future.  The present can become stale and literally lifeless. Our self suffers.

Then there are choices to help others because it is the right thing to do, it is my role in life, it is required and it is certainly expected of me.  Frequently, women tell me they have no time for themselves because they are fully committed to their children, their husbands, their parents, their pets, their neighbors, their synagogue ( church) and the PTA.  Men often tell me between home and work, there is no time to even consider what might be a loving act for self.  The very thought of it is often strange to contemplate.

A choice to love oneself is foreign in a world where we so often measure ourselves by how well we are doing externally and how fully we meet our responsibilities.  A loving choice towards oneself only works when we move beyond finding pleasure in the way others see us, in our external indications of success and in the material possessions and experiences we can gather at will.  A loving choice for self, requires some deep time with our own integrity to even begin to recognize what that might be for ourselves. We may have to make some mistakes before we know what really feeds us on the inside.  Keep trying though, it is a pathway to the Divine.

When we love ourselves, we are actually able to come closer and closer to the divinity within. When we lose ourselves” to an endeavor of love such as a garden, a hot bath, a painting or walk up a mountain, we totally commune with ourselves.   We are One with All That Is.  We are not separate from All That Is unless we choose to be by not taking time to “be still and know that I AM God”.  Loving oneself is a spiritual act, an act of loving kindness which enables our deep well of love to flow without consideration of the outcomes, rewards or implications.  A choice for love enables us to be in the present moment which is all there really is, anyway.

We are not loving ourselves when we are pushing ourselves to do ANYTHING. We are not loving ourselves when we see ourselves as sacrificing our health, well-being or personal needs.  We are not loving ourselves when we are trying to please others, influence others, impress others, get something from another or act some way other than in integrity with ourselves.  We are not loving ourselves when we constantly choose others’ needs over our own needs.

Well, what about if we have to do something and the only way is to push ourselves to do it? A mental and spiritual adjustment may be needed but pushing is really not loving of self.

I was a life time hoarder before I worked with my mother to clear out her house where she had lived 40 years.  I rarely threw anything out and the thought of spending an afternoon cleaning out seemed a completely distasteful experience.  At 86,  my mother finally decided she needed to move to a retirement center.   I was the only one able to work with her to clear out the house, make the choices for keeping, throwing and selling of her things.  I dreaded the thought of what had to be done.

I literally felt sick thinking that I had to do this but there was no other way presenting itself.  I knew enough spiritually to realize that I needed to clear my fear of clearing out the family homestead and my fear of getting overwhelmed doing it.  If I didn’t,  I would simply make the process agony for myself and my mother.  My mother was already overwhelmed enough for the both of us.

I asked myself, what is the most loving way I can do this without pushing myself, beating myself up, or going into anger and rage about what needs to be done? I decided to move my work around to allow for two days out of town with my mother each week until the work was finished.  That schedule, I could handle.  I could enjoy being with my mother if I was not paying heavily with my own life.  I could  have enough energy in small doses to actually  be helpful.  I could retreat at a given time and re-marshall my energy to be my most effective loving self.  This way to work with my mother was a choice for love, and one of the biggest I had ever made.  That time became a blessings for us so thoroughly and deeply, I could have never imagined it, ever.  The love simply grew and grew between my mother and myself and between my brothers and me as well.  The love simply took over and the work got done with the Grace of God, with Love’s Divine Presence!  That choice for love turned out to be one of the best experiences Mom and I had ever had in our entire life.  We laughed and cried with abandon and wove our hearts together in a new way.

When we choose to love ourselves, everyone around us benefits. We engage our highest self because we put ease, grace and love on the front burner.  The act of loving oneself is deeply sacred because it helps us really know the deep integrity involved in making a loving choice for ourselves.   One act of loving towards self can teach us more about love than helping everyone on the street and all our next of  kin.   When we put ourselves into the equation for loving acts towards others, we truly engage the part of us which acts from a pure place of service, loving without need for recognition, reward or attachment.

There is such a thing as a self-centered or selfish person.  That is different from making loving decisions for oneself.  A self-centered person operates from a space of lack.  I need this to happen in this way and these folks to act in that way,  for the following to occur.  A loving choice for self can only be made  from a completely different well inside.  In that well is integrity, self-acceptance, allowing and kindness.  From that one space, love can expand in infinite directions.

When we experiment and practice making loving decisions, then our choices to help others come from that well of loving kindness inside rather than from the well of shoulds, ought to and have tos.  We can then allow the natural order of Divine Love Energy to swirl around, up and through us and extend out to all we meet.  Make the choice for love of self with as much humility, kindness and gentleness as you can.  You and everyone around you will be richer for this.

What choices can you make today which are loving ones for yourself ? Share these if you’d like, in the comments section at the end of this post.

Full Partners with The Divine – Healing Service

Welcome to this healing service tonight. Whatever your reason for coming, you are likely to receive exactly what is needed for healing.  This is because God, Divine Knowing, Universal Creator already knows what it is that you and I really need for healing.  The Great I AM already knows why we are here and what is in our hearts.  However, because we have consciously gathered in Sacred Space  for this express purpose of healing, we have begun to take our place as full partners in the sacred process of healing.

The Glimmer of Hope by Storm Crypt
The Glimmer of Hope by Storm Crypt

Here is how it works. By issuing an open invitation for the Holy Spirit,  Great Oneness,  Highest Divine Energy to bring about needed healing, we initiate the very means through which such healing can take place in the human realm.  God works through us to bring us back to our own True Selves, that is, to a full partnership with the Great I AM.  This is especially evident in healing.  Healing or Wholeness is the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical manifestation of a fully actualized relationship with All That Is,  God,  Perfected Love .

The reason I am here tonight is because five years ago (now fifteen years) a family member became inexplicably and seriously ill.  I did everything imaginable to try to deal with that crisis for a solid year.   I did everything, that is, but directly ask for God’s help.  When I finally realized that we did not have the strength, the wisdom nor the vision to see what might be needed, I  realized our family needed to directly ask for God’s loving, healing presence in our lives.   We needed to turn over the pain, anguish and our sense of loss to this Higher Source because we as humans had exhausted our tiny reserves.  We were depleted.   The ensuing healing process was nothing short of miraculous.  Though it was not spontaneous, it was nonetheless miraculous.  So I am here to celebrate God’s Love and healing presence among us and to share some of what I have learned these last few years about healing.

God is Love.  Not the kind of love we know the best in our human experience.  Human love is all too often “I love you when” or “I love you if, or “I love you, but”….  God’s Love is wholly unconditional, from everlasting to everlasting, beyond all understanding.  It is with us always.  God’s Love is boundless, without limitation.  God’s Love is not of this world though it is the fueling power behind all creation.

So then, how do we receive this boundless love?

In James 4:1-3 in the New Testament, we find a clue.

Where do all the fights and quarrels among you come from?  They come from your desires for pleasure, which are constantly fighting within you.  You want things, but you cannot have them, so you are ready to kill; you strongly desire things, but you cannot get them, so you quarrel and fight.  You do not have what you want because you do not ask God for it.  And when you do ask, you do not receive it, because you ask wrongly; you ask for things to use for your own pleasures.

More clues are found in James 5:14.

Are there any among you sick?  They should send for the “Spiritual Guides of Assembly” (The original translation meant those of a spiritual nature, later it was translated as church elders.) who will pray for them and rub olive oil on them in the name of the Lord.  This prayer made in faith will heal the sick; the Lord will restore them to health, and the sins they have committed will be forgiven. So then, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you will be healed.

We must ask for what we need in order to open ourselves to receive God’s blessing.  Divine blessing is always there for us to receive.  Life itself is a blessing.  We just have to be tuned in, to consciously know we have gotten it.  If we are on a different wave length, the blessing may not be received by us even though it is always available to us any time, day or night.  We give form to the endless unformed potential energy when we call God.  We have to call in Divine Energy to this dimension for it to manifest in our lives.  In James, we read that if our motives are bad we will not receive God’s blessing.  This refers to motives for self-aggrandizement, riches, or even just total focus on the life of this world.

  • Sample –  Forgive me for my impatience with myself this week.  I open to Divine Knowing and call that Wholeness and Power into the emotional and physical challenges facing my sister.  I release all my fears I am holding about her.   I call Peace and Balance into this household.
  • Sample –  I ask that the anger I am carrying towards my body be taken and transformed.  I call the Highest Divine Presence into my imbalanced body,  feelings and thoughts.  I call the perfect help in the Universe to me.  I especially release this fear of chronic pain.  Show me how to claim my wholeness.

God is constantly broadcasting love, healing, peace and serenity.  Sometimes we tune in.  Sometimes we don’t.  Perhaps because we are trying so hard to solve the situation on our own; to bear the burden, to present a stiff upper lip to the outside world, to accept what has been given and a whole host of other things we think are good responses to trials and crises in our lives.

A woman praying

Some time ago, a woman came to see me and said that her son had been quite ill for several years.  She reported that she had recently begun to get very depressed about what was happening for him and that her prayers were just not being answered.  I asked her specifically what she had been praying for and she said “Well, I guess I have prayed for the strength to respond to ‘Brad’s’ illness and to bear the burden.” I replied that from all she had told me,  I thought that her prayers had been expressly answered.  She had just related for 45 minutes how she had expertly, relentlessly and stoically managed their lives through some very painful and debilitating experiences with her son for the past 4 years.   She said that she had never thought of it that way.   She  also said that she did not know what to really ask for regarding her son from this point forward.  She eventually decided to release her fears and sense of negativity about her son’s illness.  Then she call in the Highest Good for “Brad”,  for her family and for herself.  We agreed that whatever that might look like, she could leave all her burdens in the hand of the Great I AM, the hand of God.  She could release her burdens and trust in God.

We were created with free will in the image and likeness of the Great I AM.  This free will, will never be violated by God.  If we don’t want help, we don’t have to accept any.  If we do want help, we have to ask, ourselves, for that help.  We have to envision the life we want and how we want to create it.  We are all continuously called to a full partnership with God.  This process of seeking forgiveness and asking for the help we want is one aspect of this full partnership.

What does this practically look like? One possible take on this are the steps given below.  Experiment and use whatever works for you.

  1. Enter into stillness, The Silence
  2. Name specifically where you are out of balance, separated from Divine Peace, need forgiveness
  3. Ask for forgiveness and/or  release from these imbalances (forgiveness actualized)
  4. Call in Divine Presence, Wholeness and Balance to the specific areas needed (healing)
  5. Give thanks for a growing connection with All That Is/Spirit/God

Praying with Power

Prayer can be more than tepid thoughts, fear filled words or memorized prose. The purpose of prayer is to actualize the Divine Presence in all aspects of our lives.  We may strongly feel the need for “help”, “healing” , “relief” for another or for ourselves but our strong sense of need does not charge a prayer, nor necessarily make it happen.  This is because all that is needed already exists in the Universe.  All That Is really means All That Is.  So, what is  praying with power?

What are we praying for? by Silverlinedwinnebago

When we charge our prayers with determination, envisioned wholeness and balance, we draw on Infinite Power.  Powerful prayer brings form to the Universe of Divine Love that is all around us waiting to be actualized in daily life.  When we  see, sense, or envision, the Presence of Divine Grace for another, or for ourselves we are praying in power.  When the envision wholeness we give form to prayer so that the energy of Divine Love which is all present, all knowing and all powerful can be “harnessed”, “directed” and “focused ” for another.

We are working in the midst of Love Energy all the time. That Love Energy can be activated or not, focused or not, directed or not.  If we plead, beg or seek to inform our Higher Power we are essentially giving credence to a “God” separate from us and manifesting a world view of  “in-completion, loss and need”.  Even if we don’t fully get that we are One with All That Is and that we are made of the same substance as the Divine Energy itself, we can pray in the power of this energy and have our prayers be filled with direction, power and focus.

Prayer 1

Dear God,  I hope you will hear me.  I really, really,  want you to help Nancy because she is in so much pain. She desperately needs your loving touch, care and attention. She is suffering terribly and needs healing.  Help me with my deep sadness. I don’t want her to suffer and die.  Please heal her and don’t let her die.  She is a great mother and doesn’t deserve any of this. Her children really need her.  I hope she does not die.  Thank  you so much for your help.

Prayer 2

Spirit of the Living God, I open a sacred healing space for Nancy.  Nancy, beloved child of God, be healed.  Receive the healing energy of the Great I AM in all areas of your being, thought, emotion, spirit and body.  I call the Divine Healing Energy which is all knowing, all p0werful and everywhere present.   Come Divine Healing Energy of All That Is.  Fully actualize in Nancy’s being.  I cast out all blocked energy in Nancy’s field which is now manifesting as pain and imbalance.   I call in the Presence of emotional (mental, spiritual) and physical peace.  I see Nancy as whole and balanced in all ways.  My thanks for the Love of the Divine Wholeness/God/Universal Oneness.  And so it is.

The first prayer has a pleading tone and sees Nancy as lacking something, suffering and in need of  something to happen to make things “right”.  The prayer is informing God of Nancy’s pain, her mothering skills and her need for healing,  as if God does not know this intimately.  The person praying gives form to his/her own fears and sadness, rather than to the vision of balance and wholeness for Nancy.  This prayer sets God apart from the person praying.  This person praying thinks that Nancy is being punished because she doesn’t “deserve” this treatment.  On every front, this prayer is leaking power and energy.

The second  prayer affirms the limitless power of All That Is in all directions.  It is full of commands, be healed, receive, come and fully actualize.  The commands affirm the energy of WE ARE ALL ONE, even God and I.  This prayer is calling the formless energy of God/Eternal Oneness  into actualized form in Nancy’s energy field.  This person sees Nancy as  “whole and balanced in all ways”.  The pray-er is  giving form to the Divine Energy at the human level by envisioning the wholeness which is already there.  There is also recognition of the need to call out blocked energy Nancy is carrying which keeps keeping her from manifesting wholeness at the physical level.

The way the first prayer is conceived drains it of its power before it is even spoken. When we continue to see ourselves as unworthy, small, insignificant and separated before God, we are essentially turning away from our own true power, denying what has been give to us, that which is our birthright.   Our relationship with God is nothing like our relationship with humans, though many of us continue to view it with just the same limitations we might have with our sister or a friend.  There is no power in the first prayer because the person praying has not claimed that power which is there but for the asking.  It is not charged with the Knowing Of All That Is.  It is riddled with pleading, fear and the energy of being separate from God.  The words are said in love and desire to help but the source of the prayer comes from a sense of lack.

picture by gethiroshima
picture by gethiroshima

To pray with power, we have to claim the power that is waiting for us.  We have to try out a new vision of  partnership with All That Is.  We have to use all the goodness we have to see the Blessings of Wholeness and Balance for another.  Understanding that we are giving form to the unformed energy of Divine Infinity, we need to claim the Highest Good for ourselves and others when we pray.

Use these steps to infuse your prayers with power.

1. Address the power you are recognizing

2. Open a sacred healing space

3. Command the state of wholeness for self or others

4. Call the Divine Energy to the person or situation

5. Cast out all blocked energy manifesting imbalances

6. Give thanks for the Love of Divine Presence

7. Command that all that has been said is so.

Good Work… if you can get it.

Thoughts and feelings can balance us or unbalance us.  Where we place our attention and give our power determines whether we move towards greater balance or greater imbalance.  When we are out of balance energetically, it shows up somewhere.

How does imbalance affect us?
taken by aeu04117
MB Balances Rocks (by aeu04117)

It can show up in disturbing dreams, inability to sleep, imbalances in eating habits, impatience, “down days”, arguments or colds and infections.  If we have been out of balance a very long time, the immune system can become compromised.  We can begin to show patterns of recurring colds, chronic pain or infections, high blood pressure, depression, anxiety or even osteoporosis, cancer or diabetes and everything in-between.  We may have recurring patterns of unsuccessful relationships, jobs, financial investments or failure to generally thrive due to being out of balance.

Our bodies as well as our thoughts, feelings and sense of connectedness to the greater whole are all energy.  Further our emotional, mental, spiritual and physical bodies are all related.  We are one large, completely connected web of flowing energy.  When one area of our life does not flow, we will be given all the chances we need to attend to this.  We always have the choice to attend in the present or put it off until later.  However, as long as there are imbalances in our energy field, these will  show up in our daily lives in one way or another.

Our response to energy may not be the only reason we are manifesting imbalances in our daily life.  There may be environmental factors, situational factors or hereditary patterns which make us more susceptible to certain imbalances in our lives.  However,  if we  couple  environmental or hereditary factors with also being out of balance emotionally, mentally or spiritually, the results at the physical level will be exacerbated.  The more we are out of balance, the greater the chance this will show up in our daily lives in one way or another. This is the most practical reason for attending to our spiritual health that I know of.  Thankfully, though,  we can change how we think and feel if we can figure out what blocked energy we may be carrying and how it is affecting us.

At the park with my daddy! =) (by Photo ChicK DoraliS)
How can we change our thoughts and feelings?

The way we attend to energy directly affects our health on many levels.  Suppose you are having on-going tension with a child.  You may have tried “everything” to clear the air with this child and are having no success. Usually when we come to this place with any relationship, it is time to look inside at our own thoughts and feelings about what is actually going on.  We can affect our thoughts and feelings if we can understand the “unseen” reasons we have specific thoughts and feelings.  However clearly we can see in others what they need to change, we can only bring about such change in ourselves.  Each person has the free will to choose conflict or balance, change or status quo,  harmonious relationships or contentious ones.   When we do decide to release thoughts and feelings which are creating imbalances,  it affects everything around us including the specific relationship we are focused on.

Enter into Silence and open a sacred healing space for yourself.  Ask yourself,  “when I argued with my child, what fears were fueling my thoughts, tone, emotions and words”?  It might be the fear; for your child’s safety,  of your child’s failure,  that (s)he is making poor decisions,  that your child does not respect you,  that you do not have the relationship you want with your child, or another fear.

What do I do if I am too angry to think straight?

If you can’t get to defining fear because of the anger that is present, list the specific anger you have.  Include every type of specific anger you are experiencing.   This might include something like,  I am angry with Kevin because I ask him to clean up his room,  then he doesn’t do it until I get angry and yell at him.  List everything you can but keep your work to blocks of no more than 15 minutes.  More than that can be overwhelming.  Keep returning to this set of tasks in 15 minute blocks until you are finished. When all the specifics of your anger are listed, move on to what is behind the anger that most upsets you.

Anger almost always covers fear or doubt of some sort or another.  Ask, “what is behind the anger I am feeling” ?  Specific fears and doubts cover probably 98% of the blocked energy manifesting in contentious relationships. This is called diagnosing the situation. If you can’t figure it out yourself, go into Silence, be still and ask Divine Knowing for insight around these issues.  Listen to the guidance.

How do I get rid of these thoughts and feelings?

Diagnosis is good.  Clearing the blocked energy is better.  Take the specific fear or doubt you have identified and take it into sacred healing space.   Open the sacred healing space, ask that the fear/doubt be consumed by the Divine Presence.  Call for all core or source energy manifesting now as this fear/doubt to be release into Divine Light.  Call for the Divine Healing Presence to permeate this relationship and give thanks for this experience.  Your taking these steps will be met 100% of the way by Divine Presence/Divine Knowing/Source.  This healing energy is first experienced at the unseen level usually in the form of different feelings and thoughts.   It takes a little while for shifting energy to show up in our physical lives.   Watch for shifts.  Give thanks for the shifts both unseen and seen as they come and eventually the energetic context of this relationship under scrutiny will shift.

You may have to work on other aspects of fear or doubt over several weeks or months to completely allow you to be in relationship with this child, free of fear.  However, each time you undertake this type of healing with the Divine Presence,  you will actually change the energy around you, especially that with your child.  Keep it up.  “It’s good work… if you can get it. ” (Dave Wilcox. “Good Together”, 2002)