meditation

Feb 03 2021

Hope and Rigor

When I sit alone, having been alone now for many months
I realize Peace is my companion
That was not the case for much of this lifetime
I was fastly tethered to my emotions and commitments

Thousands of hours of seeking and meditating later
I know that hope and rigor have been my true companions
When deeply sad, angry, frustrated or out of sorts
I learned in Silence to search out hope

Hope was a little spark among the heaviness
It grew out of making my mind go to gratitude
It grew out of the determination to clear the darkness
Again and again, I learned that facing the dark feelings worked

I tried for years to ignore all problems, fastidiously
I could make myself really believe I was not angry or sad
Especially when I was most indeed angry or sad
Or when I thought that ignoring my feelings could work

Usually I exploded with some unkind response to my family
Before I began to realize that I thought I was being good
By ignoring the heavy emotions that accompanied my life
But I was really just letting them fester until they burst forth

Ugh! So much nastiness got sprayed on those around me
Before I realized I could take the hard stuff into Silence
That I could bring my feelings to that eternal table
That I would actually be heard and my feelings could transform

First I had to wrestle with having the right to ask for help
Then I had to work on being worthy of being heard and responded to
Then I had to learn to trust that the healing coming in would be enough
Then I learned to be grateful for something I never ever thought could happen

Nov 04 2020

The Ocean and The Silence

Walking by the ocean fills me up
I feel the lightness as the breeze arrives
I touch to the expanse and my worries dissipate
This is my happy place calling me to myself

I love the sound of the endless waves
I like their reassurance of permanence
I love the blueness and the softness of the sand
I know I am called inward as I walk the strand

I have lived near the ocean all my life
I can’t even imagine living far inland
I need the big water near me even
If I don’t get there as often as I would like

Knowing I can be there in a couple of hours
Is something like knowing I can always enter Silence
And a palpable calmness can be touched to
Silence and the ocean are similar in many ways

They are both filled with the unknown
They are both waiting for me always
One in a soothing form I can touch
One in soothing formlessness that touches me

I am so amazed when I enter into Silence
And a vibration around my heart begins to pulse
It is like nothing on Earth really
It is coming from beyond me, welcoming

The beckoning of kindness
The reassurance of safety
The joining of me wherever my mind is
The total sense of reliability

Both Silence and the ocean have these gifts
They settle me and remind me I am loved
They bring me right into the present moment
Inviting me to let both the past and future go

I am never so connected as when the ocean and I are one
I never feel so loved as when Silence and I have a rendezvous
I return to all life’s challenges with a quiet demeanor
One that carries both the ocean and the Silence within

Jul 30 2020

A Very Special Day

When I enter the dark woods
I feel a welcoming dampness and camaraderie
We share a cognizance of knowing
There is peace energy here and cooperation

There is stillness along with chirps and chatter
The foot prints of the deer and raccoons speak
The stream runs continuously to the west
The wind makes itself known, gently

I am invited to breath deeply of moss and bark
To make myself known to the greater whole
To leave my worries and tasks behind
To be, to smell, to feel, and to give thanks

Just ahead, the may apples are beginning to peak out
Unknown names of wild flowers dot the forest floor
I delight in their profound colors so shortly present
Yes so brilliantly displayed for me to rejoice with them

This isolated community reminds me of connection
I touch to compatible energy existing and flowing
I feel inner tightness falling into the ground
All tension and stress being cleansed by the trees

My body can walk and be and feel and release
My mind seems to float away from focus
Joy bubbles up and a favorite tune starts in my head
I hope nobody find me here, hope no talking is required

One day maybe I can both talk and be present
Though I talk so much that I sometimes forget
The silence within me, that gets too little attention
I feel whole here like all my parts are present

Who knows me in this place, so centered and solid
I hardly ever show this me to outsiders
They know my credentials and my outer history
They know about me but know not of me, the real me

So these woods are my go to place, in person
In my imagination, in my dreams, in my writing
Today I am letting you into this special place
Treat it with love and gratitude for that will be returned

Maybe one day we can be here together
On the same wave length and vibration
Just to be and know, feel and be together
That would be a very special day indeed.

Mar 13 2020

Humility and Sacred Journeys

I don’t remember when there had been so many miracles
That I had to change my way of thinking and living
I had to open my closed mind and make a different choice
And let the Divine Energy fill my place of knowing

For a long time, I stayed in a place of skepticism
Unable to fully put my energy and faith into a loving God
Unable to let my guard down and go with the flow
Unwilling to believe because I might be dead wrong

I suspect that the Divine was working on me a good long time
I remember when I was a small girl in church at communion
Making a scene when I was told I was too little to partake
I pitched a fit saying that “God was for all of us”

I felt snubbed and reacted with audacious fervor
Feeling truly mistreated that I could not taste God’s body
Perhaps I was already looking for proof of God’s energy then
And I had just been barred from learning more

Years passed and I called continuous daily pain to my body
I did not understand I was doing that or why
The pain in my body masked the denial I was working with
It gave me something to always deal with daily that was undeniable

Now I know about previous lifetimes of persecution and death
Due to my “knowing” of God and my lives devoted to that knowing
I was probably trying to get through this lifetime
Without sticking out because of my connection with the Divine

Though in the end it was a futile attempt to fit in
Trying to be skeptical like everyone else around me failed
Miracles, love as power, and grace beyond understanding kept showing up
As an energy beyond my mind and a love that never fades

Life’s experiences demanded that I sit in Silence
Demanded I continue to seek peace and balance
Required me to experience present lives full of miracles
Past and present times of connection and deep knowing of God

So here I am, more tempered than I thought was possible
Continuously seeking to release all that does not serve
Living a single-minded commitment to expand consciousness
Knowing the journey is eternal and that arrival is elusive

No one could have told me the journey is the peace I sought
The releasing of all my fears and anger would free me forever
The determination to connect with Divine Source would be met
With the ability to share with others their journeys as well

Mar 06 2020

Journeying to Now

Impatience is the bane of my existence
I am a rusher, hurrier, want to get it done
Kind of person, on the go
Doing one thing, thinking of the next thing

I get tons done most days
But my breath and body pay
As I function at high gear
Packing in and pushing most of the time

It is the impatience with others
I struggle with especially when
Their moving and decision making
Is happening in the slow lane

I know what I want to do
I make decisions quickly
I move decisively
I am all in with anything I do

This was the way I lived for years
I evaluated my day by how much I accomplished
I was rather callous with those “in my way”
I felt a total sense of shortness of time

Then, yoga found me on a crisp afternoon
I had been a dancer as a child
I had loved body movement
But yoga brought my breath back to me

Next, meditation entered stage left
Sneaking into my days
Calling me to times of quiet
Beckoning me to be still

I was not a natural meditator
I was squirmy and impatient
My progress was not easily visible
I had to surrender, again and again

I had to slow down and breath
I learned to be fully in the moment
And to clear my crummy feelings
And to stop pushing and evaluating me

I became a bit nicer to me and to others
I became more grounded and happy
I often wonder where I would be
If impatience still ruled the roost

Recently, my blood pressure returned to
The days of my 30’s and smiled upon me
Nodding to the years of changes in my life
And beckoning me to continue to flow

Something about my relation to time changed
Something about my impatience changed
Then something about being at peace showed up
Then my body healed and joy arrived to stay

meditation

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